when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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