Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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