Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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