I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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