The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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