He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
