Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
