You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
