google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
