he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
