How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
