Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
