Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize