hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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