i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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