Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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