so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
