eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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