If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
