he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
