Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
