Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
