wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
