I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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