she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I AM VODKA MAN
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
