why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
