i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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