Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
