I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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