You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
