Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
