This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
