His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
