if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
