my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
