I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
