We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You may now shotgun with the bride
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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