I think i peed on brittanys purse
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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