You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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