I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
