i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
