looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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