If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
