My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
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our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.