6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...