Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?