apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.