Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.