You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I just put wine in my tea
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
