whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
