I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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