so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
