Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
