I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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