Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
