it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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