Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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