i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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