Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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