Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
