taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
