got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
