You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
