wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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