if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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