You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she told me i tasted like america
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
