i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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