i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
