As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
