It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
