I didn't shave. On purpose
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pants are for mortals
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
