I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
