You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
