somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I supernannyed him into submission
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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