One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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