Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize