I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
