What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
