The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.