So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
