I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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