you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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