Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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