Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm like, not good at living.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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