If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize