Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
